The Dark Knight Rises (Film)Bruce Wayne: You wouldn't want any of these folks realizing you're a crook, not a social climber. Selina Kyle: You think I care what anyone in this room thinks of me? Bruce Wayne: I doubt you care what anyone in any room thinks of you. Selina Kyle: Don't condescend, Mr. You don't know a thing about me. Bruce Wayne: Well, Selina Kyle, I know you came here from your walk- up in Old Town, a modest place for a master jewel thief. Which means that either you're saving for retirement, or you're in deep with the wrong people. Selina Kyle: You don't get to judge me just because you were born in the master bedroom of Wayne Manor. Bruce Wayne: Actually, I was born in the Regency Room. In Pittsburgh kam ein neuer Tumbler in Form eines von Batmans Widersachern entwendeten Batmobils wieder zum Einsatz, nachdem er zuvor in The Dark Knight zerst.A major component of Dark Chronicle ' s gameplay involves special items called 'Geostones' which are used to rebuild the world outside the dungeons. When Geostones are removed from the dungeon, they can be placed into the. Industry information at your fingertips. Over 200,000 Hollywood insiders. Enhance your IMDb Page. Trailer for the theoretically upcoming Tommy Wiseau project, 'The Neighbors.' I can't wait. If it comes out, I'm buyin' it. Selina Kyle: I started out doing what I had to. Once you've done what you had to, they'll never let you do what you want to. Bruce Wayne: Start fresh. Selina Kyle: There's no fresh start in today's world. Any twelve- year- old with a cell phone could find out what you did. Everything we do is collated and quantified. Bruce Wayne: Is that how you justify stealing? Selina Kyle: I take what I need from those who have more than enough. I don't stand on the shoulders of people with less. Bruce Wayne: Robin Hood? Selina Kyle: I think I do more to help someone than most of the people in this room. One of the behind-the-scenes documentaries included on the. Few films have the capacity to completely derail a family gathering quite like Oliver Stone The Dark Knight: The Abridged Script. THE DARK KNIGHTThe Abridged Script. By Rod. FADE IN: INT. BANK - GHICAGOA GANG of CLOWNS breaks into a bank. The AUDIENCE impatiently tolerates the scene, despite having already watched it in front of I Am Legend as well as thirty times when it leaked ONLINE. RANDOM CLOWN #1. Robbing this bank was a great idea. Anyone know why they call the guy that planned it 'The Joker'? RANDOM CLOWN #2. I hear he wears clown makeup to scare people. RANDOM CLOWN #1. What? How does that answer the question at all? I asked why they call him 'The Joker', not why they call him 'The Clown'. Nuts to this, has the real movie started yet? The CLOWNS gather up a bunch of money and secretly kill each other one by one. One of the clowns pulls a gun on the OBVIOUSLY HEATH LEDGER CLOWN. RANDOM CLOWN #3. I'm betting the Joker told you to kill me, so rather than kill you with your back turned I'm going to tell you how clever I am for figuring that out. HEATH LEDGER CLOWNNo, I kill the bus driver. RANDOM CLOWN #3. Bus driver? As in a person who drives a bus? That's extremely confusing to me, for you see I am not aware of any bus thus far in the heist. How strange of you to mention a vehicle that I have yet to be aware of in any capacity. Let me just take a few steps to the left while I stand and ponder what you could possibly mean by that. He gets run over by a BUS that drives into the bank. BUS DRIVER CLOWNSomehow, the bus survived crashing into the side of a building without a scratch, so let's load it up with money! Hey, where are all of the other gang members? HEATH LEDGER CLOWNThey had to go. Something about attending a dark carnival. Oh, and also, you're dead. HEATH kills the BUS DRIVER, puts a smoke grenade in WILLIAM FICHTNER'S mouth for no reason, then drives out of the building into a conveniently placed gap in a line of SCHOOLBUSES. INT. PARKING GARAGEA bunch of DRUG DEALERS confront CILLIAN MURPHY. DRUG DEALERHey, your LSD made my clients shit themselves and jump out of buildings. CILLIAN MURPHYHonestly, why were you buying drugs from a guy with a potato sack on his head? Suddenly a bunch of FAKE BATMEN break up the drug deal but eventually CHRISTIAN BALE WEARING BLACK RUBBER shows up and arrests everyone. FAKE BATMANJesus, I'm just trying to help, do you really need to punch me in the face with metal, spiked gloves? What's the difference between you and me? BAT- BALEDepends, are you on good terms with your sister? INT. KITCHENVarious MOBS all meet in a single room to facilitate the plot. Suddenly, HEATH LEDGER enters. HEATH LEDGERSo it seems you guys all have a problem with Batman. Did you guys ever consider killing him? ERIC ROBERTSHoly shit, are we allowed to do that? We thought about having a mobster vs. Why the hell didn't we think of that? HEATH LEDGERDamn, being a criminal mastermind is cake when the other criminals have brains the size of Mary- Kate Olsen's lunch. Now, I need to take over one of your gangs. First, let me tell you a story about when my asshole dad said things like ? That's almost as disappointing as the way the last scene brought back Cillian Murphy just to get rid of him in 2 minutes. EXT. POLICE STATION ROOFTOPGARY OLDMAN and AARON ECKHART wait on the rooftop for CHRISTIAN BALE IN A BLACK RUBBER SUIT. BAT- BALEGrrgrll farggle raar! GARY OLDMANNice to see you too. This is Aaron Eckhart, he's the new District Attorney and eventual tragic character. AARON ECKHARTHere's the deal. The mobsters all gave their money to Chin Han, who has gone off to Hong Kong. We need you to go get him and bring him here so I can cut off the mob's money supply. BAT- BALEFrmmrrphhl garg. Rarrawrl. AARON ECKHARTDid you take voice coaching lessons from Jack Bauer or something? Don't you feel like an idiot growling all of your lines? You sound like you're gargling Michael Keaton's balls. CHRISTIAN BALE goes to see MORGAN FREEMAN. CHRISTIAN BALEMorgan, I need to fly to Hong Kong, kidnap Chin Han, then fly out. Can you help me using technology and caustic banter? Also I want a new suit that lets me turn my head. MORGAN FREEMANA whole new suit? You spent the entire last movie building the first one, and you want a totally redesigned new one after one line of dialogue? CHRISTIAN BALEYes. MORGAN FREEMANYour new suit is ready, have fun. MICHAEL CAINEI've thought of an excellent alibi for when you're in Hong Kong, Mr. Bale. CHRISTIAN BALEDoes it involve me taking an entire ballet troupe to a yacht from which I will mysteriously disappear, arousing a great deal of suspicion? MICHAEL CAINESure does! CHRISTIAN BALE flies to HONG KONG and abducts CHIN HAN, then brings him back to CHICAGO. CHIN sells out the MOBSTERS, who then go to TRIAL. The JUDGE for the trial gets into her car, which suddenly explodes! And the COMMISSIONER is poisoned! And ANTHONY MICHAEL HALL manages to find work! INT. CHRISTIAN BALE'S PENTHOUSECHRISTIAN BALE throws a party for AARON ECKHART, which HEATH LEDGER crashes. HEATH LEDGERGood evening, we're tonight's entertainment! We also do birthday parties and Bar Mitzvahs. Here's my card. MAGGIE GYLLENHAALThis is a 'Wild Draw Four' Uno card. HEATH LEDGERYeah, I kinda had to use up all of the regular decks of cards in the city to stuff the judge's car full of jokers. Took fucking hours. MAGGIE GYLLENHAALWell if you're here for Aaron Eckhart, we had 'Old Chicago' for dinner so he's in the bathroom shitting lava. HEATH LEDGERI can wait. Once upon a time, I had a wife. She was beautiful, like you. Er, no, I mean in complete contrast to you. You're actually kind of a butterface. But at least you're not Katie Holmes, I like that. BAT- BALEThen you're gonna love me! HEATH LEDGERHow the hell did a guy in a giant bat costume sneak up right next to me without anyone noticing? HEATH and CHRISTIAN fight, and somehow HEATH is able to hold his own against a guy with NINJA TRAINING. HEATH throws MAGGIE out of a window. CHRISTIAN grabs her in midair, allowing MAGGIE to avoid landing on the PAVEMENT by landing safely on a CAR instead. MAGGIE GYLLENHAALThanks for catching me, but how are we going to resolve the issue of Heath still terrorizing your party guests upstairs? BAT- BALEMaybe if we awkwardly cut to the next scene, nobody will notice that we accidentally lost some pages of the screenplay. CUT TO: EXT. CHICAGO STREETSThe police are holding a funeral for the DEAD COMMISSIONER in the most logical location: directly in the middle of 4 abandoned high- rise buildings with lots of windows. The MAYOR gives a eulogy while wearing a DISTRACTING AMOUNT OF EYELINER. CHRISTIAN BALE uses MAGIC to pull fingerprints off a nonexistent bullet and winds up getting to the FUNERAL just in time to see HEATH LEDGER attempt to shoot the unprotected MAYOR, miss, and somehow hit GARY OLDMAN instead. AARON ECKHART(oh phone)Maggie, Gary Oldman has just been shot. MAGGIE GYLLENHAALI'm sure he's fine, he's not even commissioner yet. We're not supposed to actually be worried that he might be dead, are we? AARON ECKHARTNonetheless, I'm concerned for your safety. Who can we trust? MAGGIE GYLLENHAALI can go to Christian Bale's penthouse. It's the safest place in Chicago right now. AARON ECKHARTThe place where I almost got killed by Heath Ledger and you got thrown out of a window? Maybe you should hide on some subway tracks instead. HEATH LEDGER(on television)Starting today, I'm going to kill innocent people until Batman reveals his secret identity. This plan is sure to work, since Americans are generally so willing to negotiate with terrorists. CHRISTIAN BALEI'll never give into this terrorist's demands!(pause)Nevermind, I quit. Play the sad music while I throw everything in the garbage, Michael. I am Batman no more. MICHAEL CAINESubtle. Did you want to go kiss Kirsten Dunst upside- down in the rain, too? AARON ECKHART holds a plot- explaining press conference, a scene that is quickly becoming a staple of the . Are you people sure you want him to do this? If we go through with it, he might be replaced with Robin in the sequel. RANDOM COPDo it! Things are worse than evurrrrrrrr! AARON ECKHARTFine. I'm Batman, arrest me. RANDOM COPWhat? No, Batman has to be someone super- wealthy like, I dunno, Christian Bale for example. Don't be stupid. The POLICE arrest AARON and drive him to JAIL, but HEATH LEDGER shows up to FUCK SHIT UP. CHRISTIAN BALE'S car gets damaged, forcing him to resort to his unstable- looking BALE- POD, sold separately. The SWAT van transporting AARON turns down a random road, which happens to be the exact road HEATH predicted, and therefore has a trap waiting. AARON ECKHARTGod damn, Heath is pretty smart for a guy that dresses like he's going to a midnight viewing of The Rocky Horror Picture Show. CHRISTIAN BALE IN A RUBBER SUIT flips HEATH'S TRUCK using his BAT- PHYSICS- VIOLATOR, then rides up a wall in order to turn around like a BADASS. FANBOYS in the AUDIENCE cheer wildly for this, even though it looks RETARDED. HEATH LEDGERSo it's finally here. Me at one end of a Chicago street, you at the other. The epic battle between good and evil, teased in every advertisement for the movie! This is going to be awesome. CHRISTIAN BALE crashes his bike like a PUTZ. HEATH laughs, then gets arrested by GARY OLDMAN, who is alive after all. Then the scene ends. GARY OLDMANYou see, this was all an elaborate plan to capture you! Including all the parts where a bunch of cops got killed! HEATH LEDGERThat's nothing, because MY plan included everything in your plan, but also some other stuff that gives me the upper hand after all! Eckhart and Gyllenhaal have been placed at opposite ends of the city with bombs strapped to them. You'll only have time to save one. BAT- BALEThat's alright, the police will just save the other one. HEATH LEDGERActually the police here are so incredibly inept that I am able to take their failure for granted in my grand scheme. Not that I look like the kind of guy that makes plans or anything. GARY OLDMANWe may be inept, but at least we don't steal our dastardly plots from .
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